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Cowboy finds willing partner on Friday night.

I'm sorry for that too. It's taken a catastrophe like this to get it through my skull that I can't be a selfish little schoolgirl any longer. I can't expect to always gets my way and have people set aside their desires and needs so that I get mine met."

The session had been underway for nearly half an hour. Steve had fired questions at Barbara for most of that period and he'd been taken aback at the way Barbara had fielded them all, answering most without hesitation.

Some things she couldn't remember and said so. She reminded Steve she hadn't been keeping a journal or anything to remind her of certain specific events and some things simply hadn't made enough of an impression on her to be able to recall it this much later. Steve accepted the explanation but asked her to try to remember and tell him later. Barbara jotted down notes and promised she would.

For the first time, she told everything about the day Steve caught her with Porter. She'd taken her bra off in the car on the way to the park, she said. She could do that without unbuttoning more than one button on her blouse. She reminded Steve he'd seen her do it a number of times. It was no big secret how she managed it. She knew it was the time and place, and who she was with that made it wrong. She confessed that while she had not planned to have sex with Rafe Porter that afternoon, when it came down to it, she almost certainly would have.

She'd been excited. She'd felt sexy and naughty to be braless and later without her panties in public, as it were. Those emotions added to the spice of being with a man she shouldn't have been associating with. When Rafe made his move, she acknowledged she would have been caught up in the moment and given in to him.

Rafe hadn't yet, she maintained, made any such move up to the time Steve crumpled the Thunderbird's rear end and pushed it into the water. He'd been rubbing himself and had unzipped his pants, but had not asked Barbara to touch him.

She had been furious, then horrified when she realized it was Steve who had interrupted the tryst. It had been, figuratively and literally, a splash of cold water to the face. She'd looked down at herself, muddy, filthy and drenched and suddenly realized she had screwed up her world and she didn't know how to put it back together.

"How do you unscramble an egg?" Steve contributed.

Barbara said she couldn't. All she could do was find a way not to break all the other eggs in the carton. Her candid reply kept Steve quiet for a while.

She didn't know exactly why she'd let herself get involved with Porter. She knew she was depressed and lonely after the miscarriage. She'd felt alone and hurt because there was no one she could confide in...but she didn't know why she'd felt that way. She was going to try to find an answer through therapeutic counseling with a psychologist. Whatever she found out, she would share with Steve whether they were still together or not.

As for why she let another man become so close to her...why she rationalized away increasingly inappropriate, absolutely wrong contacts with him...why she kept modifying her values to excuse herself...she didn't know the answer to those yet either, but she'd share those too when she got a handle on them.

The only thing she knew right now was that she'd felt much less of a woman after she lost the baby as well as very unattractive and unwanted because of the weight loss. Rafe had complimented her. He'd been ready to listen to her and one thing led to another over a period of several months.

"I wouldn't listen to you?" Steve interrupted. "I didn't tell you how beautiful you were, how much I loved you?" Barbara took a long breath and exhaled before replying.

"It's so petty of me, Steve. It isn't the way things really were, I know, but I felt...I didn't think about it...I most certainly didn't reason it through...but I felt like you had to do those things because you were my husband."

"Huh? That doesn't make sense," Steve shot back.

"I told you

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