The final chapter.
You didn't tell me about it being posted. If I'd known, I at least would have been prepared when the guy on the bus mentioned it. And you could have just deleted it in the first place." His reaction was pissing me off. How could he act like I was the problem here? This was his fault!
"Fine. I should have told you. And I guess I should have deleted it. I'm sorry, Sam." He reached for my hand, but I pulled it back. "All right, be ticked. I'm admitting I was wrong, Sam. I love you. I don't want this to mess things up with us. I won't take any more videos or pictures if you don't want me to; then you won't have to worry about where they might end up."
Being filmed had excited me, but that didn't mean I'd wanted to have it seen. I'd actually wanted to forget it had happened; it made me feel slutty to know that I'd had sex in front of a camera. Slutty in a bad way. I definitely hadn't planned on doing it again, even before this had happened, so Jay's promise didn't mean much. "Thanks for the thought," I said. "Too bad I wouldn't have let you film me again anyway."
"Okay, fine." Jay took a deep breath. "Sam, you're too angry to have a discussion about this. I'm trying to think of ways to make it better, and you're just sniping at me. Why don't we drop it for now and talk about it tomorrow, after you've had time to calm down a little?"
"You really think I'm going to calm down about this?"
"I hope you do, because otherwise we're going to have some problems. I want to keep seeing you, but if you're going to hold a grudge, it'll be kind of hard for us to be together."
He had a point. I bit my tongue to keep from saying I wasn't sure I wanted to see him anymore; that would have been a lie. I did want to keep seeing him. I just wasn't sure I could, given how dishonest he'd been. "I guess you're right," I said. "I'll sleep on it."
"And I'll delete the video from that site as soon as I get home. That'll be the end of it, okay?"
"Sure." But it wouldn't be, because as long as I knew he'd done this, I'd never be sure I could trust him.
We didn't say anything again till we got to my house. Usually I had Jay drop me at the nearest corner, but tonight I didn't think to tell him to, and he apparently figured it would be okay to leave me at the house. It didn't really matter; I'd had him drop me off at the corner to keep my parents from finding out about him, but since they knew now that I was dating him there was no reason to hide him from them. I didn't expect to see my father looking out the front window, though.
Jay tried to pull me to him for a kiss. This time, I allowed him a peck on the lips, but nothing more. "My dad's watching," I explained.
Jay looked toward the house and waved. Dad glared. "I get it," Jay said. "They know about me, though, right?"
"Good. Then they'll have to get used to the idea. But I won't push it now." He caressed my hand. "Have a good night's sleep, Sam, and call me tomorrow. Please. I want this to be okay between us."
"Yeah." I got out of the car and restrained myself from slamming the door.
* * *
When I woke up the next morning, I was calmer. That didn't mean I was any less angry with Jay, though. He'd lied to me and he'd betrayed my trust; how could he think I'd forgive him so quickly? I wasn't sure I'd be able to forgive him at all.
I went to my classes and managed to act like nothing was bothering me. When I got out of class, I automatically took my cell out of my pocket to call Jay, but stopped myself. I didn't want to talk to him. If I called, he'd think I wasn't angry anymore. If I didn't, he'd wonder what was going on. I decided to let him suffer.
In one of my classes, the instructor had assigned a paper. If I went home, I'd feel obligated to get to work on it, but I wasn't in the mood to work. So I headed across town to Jay's friend Tillie's house.
I wasn't completely sure what to think about Tillie.