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Love and Loss.

"Todd?" I said.

"Yes. Hi Kevin, good to finally meet you."

We shook hands and I invited him in. He definitely wasn't the most physically attractive man I'd ever seen. He was a couple of inches shorter than I, a bit out of shape (as he had previously mentioned), balding, and just generally homely in appearance. We sat on the couch and I offered him something to drink, which he turned down. He quickly came to the subject of hypnosis with me.

"So, do you want to try what we discussed?" he asked.

"Sure. I don't really know what I'm doing, so you'll have to guide me through it."

He told me to lay down on the couch and get comfortable, while he grabbed a nearby chair that he positioned next to me. He sat down in the chair as I reclined. He told me to close my eyes and relax, so I did as he instructed and placed my hands across my stomach. He went through some basic breathing exercises with me and repetitively told me I would be getting more and more loose and relaxed. After about five-or-ten minutes of this I was truly becoming relaxed and felt I was almost sinking into the cushions. Finally he said, "At the count of three you will fall completely asleep. You will be conscious enough to do what tell you to do, but you will be in a completely relaxed state. One...two...three."

At the count of three, I really did feel somewhere between sleep and deep relaxation, yet somewhat conscious of certain things going on around me. Mainly, I was just completely focused on the sound of his voice instructing me. He spoke to me about my anxieties and what was making me nervous before races. He told me that I would no longer have these nervous feelings, but would be in control of myself. He repeated these several times and after each instruction would ask if I understood him. I would give him a simple, "yes" in response. I was in a complete state of focus and calm when the subject veered off in a new direction.

"Your whole body is completely relaxed from head to toe. You are completely comfortable with me, aren't you?" he asked.

"Yes," I said.

"Now you are completely relaxed. All your muscles are completely at ease, except for one area of your body. You are beginning to feel a small amount of tension in your groin area. Do you feel it?" he asked.

As he said it, I became focused on my crotch and did feel a bit of movement. "Yes," I said in response.

"You don't know why you are feeling this way, but you are becoming aroused. You can feel yourself getting an erection. Do you feel that?"

"Yes," I said. I felt a familiar twitch in my jeans and began getting hard instantly.

He continued, "There is nothing to be ashamed of. You are experiencing an erection in front of your therapist, Todd. He is a friend, and you have nothing to hide from him. It's getting very hard now, isn't it? Your jeans are straining to hold it in, aren't they?"

"Yes," I said. My hands instinctively went to the growing bulge in my jeans.

"That's ok. You are comfortable touching yourself in front of Todd. You're beginning to feel hot in this room. You are even beginning to sweat in your clothes, aren't you?"

"Yes." Just as he said, I was feeling stifled in my clothes.

"You want to take your shirt off to get cool. Do you want to take it off?" he asked.

"Yes." I quickly pulled my shirt over me head and tossed it to the ground. I felt relief from the heat almost immediately.

"Good," he said. "You are starting to feel a little better, but you are still hot in your jeans. You want to take them off, don't you?"

"Yes," I said again. With urgency, I quickly unzipped and pulled off my jeans, tossing them nearby as well, all the while keeping my eyes clothes unconsciously. I lay back on the couch in just my boxers.

"You are feeling better, but still a little hot. You are comfortable around your friend and therapist. You want to take off your boxers. You don't have any fears of being naked in front of your friend, do you?"

"No," I said.

"Take off your boxers," he said.

I pulled them

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