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Explanations and teasing.

The instant that comment left his mouth, Erik regretted it.

"Tell us about your family, Erik." Marie asked.

"Um, well." Memories of last Thanksgiving with his family flashed through his mind.

It had started out the same as every year, him laden with gifts for the kids, waiting excitedly at the airport for his brother, Dean, to pick him up. He had suspected something was off the minute he got into the car; the atmosphere was chilly, and Dean hadn't been able to meet his eyes.

When they got home, the house felt the same as it always had: warm. The kids were in the den playing, men in the living room watching football, and the ladies were in the kitchen, cooking and arguing over the best way to make mashed potatoes.

Erik's first stop had always been the den with kids to give them their toys, and that scene played out the same way it always had. They loved him, and he loved them. He hadn't noticed the way Dean hovered at the door, arms crossed, watching.

It hadn't been until he went into the kitchen to say hello to his mom and sisters that the situation became clear. The room had fallen silent when he entered, and all eyes had turned to him, assessing, as if seeing him for the first time. His mom had greeted him with her customary hug and kiss, but it didn't make him feel as if he'd come home. It made him feel like he'd walked into a parallel universe where everything looked and smelled like home but wasn't actually home.

Everyone else treated him with that same polite-but-distant attitude, and by the time they finally sat down to dinner, Erik felt sick to his stomach, and every bite of food tasted like ash. It wasn't until after dinner that his parents had cornered him and asked him if it was true: did he do gay porn? What could he say? Deny it? It was easy enough to find online if they really wanted to look for it.

When he had admitted to it, the questioning quickly turned to, "Are you... gay?" Yes, he had confirmed that as well. But rather than the sense of relief that many people said came with finally coming out of the closet, Erik felt like a little part of himself died. The look in his father's eyes, the look that had always been filled with pride and approval, suddenly turned to disgust. His mother had burst into tears. They hadn't spoken one word to him since.

His brother, Dean, had offered to take him to a hotel by the airport. The offer had been delivered politely, even with a hint of regret, but the message was more than clear. In front of the Holiday Inn, Erik had sat in the passenger seat, dazed and unwilling to get out of the car. Dean, to his credit, didn't rush him.

"Listen, buddy, I'm sorry, but... You know, if it had just been the porn, maybe it wouldn't have been so bad."

Erik hadn't been able to believe that. "What do you mean, 'just been the porn'?"

"Well, you know. If you needed the money or something, I guess they might have been able to understand that. But you know that you could always ask Mom and Dad for money if you needed it. They never would have said no."

"You make it sound like the porn wasn't that big of a deal."

"It could have just been a means to an end, you know."

"So, if I had been straight but doing gay porn, they would have been okay with that?"

Dean had shrugged and looked out the window, and Erik had his answer.

"Just fucking fantastic-"


"They don't care that I'm a fucking porn star with millions of people lusting after me. But the fact that I like guys, like having sex with guys, want to fall in love with a guy-no, that's unacceptable."

"Erik..." Dean had sounded so much like Dad in that moment; it was the voice he used when warning an errant child that he was wandering very close to the out-of-bounds line.

Erik had laughed then,

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