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Mike watches another guy pleasure his fiancee Jen.

But she was a very tidy 50.

The flat was also very tidy. Yes, it was small -- a sort of a living room with a kitchen at one end, a bedroom that looked out onto a garden, and a bathroom -- but it looked just fine.

'What do you think?' I remember Diana asking.

I told her that it looked just fine to me.

I remember her looking me up and down. 'Can you mow lawns?' she asked.

I told her that I could.

'And cars? Can you clean cars?'

Again, I assured her that I could.

'Right,' she said. 'If you agree to mow the lawn and keep my car clean -- and do a few other little chores about the house -- you can live here rent-free.'

'Really?' I said. 'Gee, I don't know what to say.'

I remember her stepping forward and giving me a little hug and a kiss on the cheek. 'Welcome to 37B Forrest Place,' she said.

As we drove back to Dawn's place to pick up my stuff, I remember her saying: 'Now you're sure you're OK with that arrangement?'

'Well, it didn't look like a particularly big lawn,' I told her. 'And even a really big car can't take more than an hour or so to clean.'

'And a few other little chores around the house too,' she reminded me.

'Yeah. I'm cool with that,' I said.

My first 'little chore' was on the following Saturday. I had woken quite early and I was just about to make myself a cup of tea when Diana arrived. She looked as though she had just got out of bed. Her hair was all tousled and she was a wearing a nightgown which, while not exactly transparent, certainly left little to the imagination.

'I've been thinking about my sitting room,' she said. 'I think it would work better with a different layout. I need you to come and help me move some furniture.'

'OK,' I said. 'I'll just get dressed and I'll be right over.'

'Oh, don't bother about getting dressed,' she said. 'You'll be fine as you are. It's not as if we're going down the street or anything.'

And so, for the next half an hour or so, Diana and I -- she in her diaphanous nightgown, me in a pair of pyjama pants -- moved furniture. Although I tried to keep my eyes discreetly averted, each time Diana leaned forward the scooped neck of her nightgown gaped open and offered a tantalising view of her womanly breasts and beyond. And then, after each piece of furniture was moved into its new position, she went and stood with her back to the French doors to survey the new arrangement. The morning sunlight flooding through the glass turned her into a very shapely silhouette indeed and I found it hard to concentrate on the job at hand. In fact, concentration was not the only thing that was becoming hard.

Eventually, Diana decided that we had the room arranged in the way in which she wanted it. 'Right,' she said. 'Time for coffee, I think.' I remember saying that I really should go and get dressed. But Diana would have none of it. 'There'll be plenty of time to get dressed later,' she said.

As Diana heated the water and ground the coffee beans, she kept glancing over at me and ... well ... looking me up and down, I suppose.

'You're a very good looking young man,' she said as she poured the water onto the ground coffee.

'Don't know about that,' I replied.

'Well, I do,' she said. 'Do you have a girlfriend?'

I told her that I didn't. 'Well ... not really.'

'You surprise me,' she said. And then she added: 'So I suppose masturbation is your main means of relief.' It wasn't really a question. It was more of a statement. But she still seemed to need some sort of an answer. 'So, how often do you masturbate?' she asked. 'You know ... just roughly.'

I think I muttered something like 'just now and then'.

'And what does "just now and then" mean?' she asked. 'Twice a day? Three times a day? More than that?'

'Sort of depends,' I told her.

She nodded. 'You know, when I was younger, I used to get myself off two or three times a day. But, these days, it's more likely to be just once.' She seemed a little saddened by the diminished frequency of her autoerotic events. 'And today?' she said. 'Have you tugged your todger today?'

I told that I hadn't.

'No.

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